


Damaged By Me

by Addicted_to_Ransom



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 1983, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Billy isn’t a total asshole, Black Flag, Child Abuse, Dead Kennedys - Freeform, Depression, F/M, Fist Fights, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape, Nightmares, Not Canon?, Parties, Punk, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, The Upside Down, Twins, Underage Drinking, misfits - Freeform, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-02-09 07:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18633358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Addicted_to_Ransom/pseuds/Addicted_to_Ransom
Summary: Adelaide Holland is Barbara Holland’s twin sister. She and her sister are total opposites, and oddly best friends. They have always done almost everything together, until the night Barb goes to Steve’s with Nancy. Addy went to a party across town instead and has forever regretted it.Story is better than the description. I hope.





	1. Adelaide Holland

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is really just an introduction to my orginal character, each chapter will also have a song linked to it. This chapters song is Damaged II by Black Flag. https://youtu.be/8hGGzt9DOgc I really hope you enjoy this story. I only have a rough idea of it currently so any suggestions are welcome!

Feel free to skip this chapter the next one is better anyways and the start of the actual story.

   Adelaide Holland is the twin sister of Barbara Holland, looking at them you would never be able to tell though. Although identical they never once before even looked similar. This was do to the fact they survived TTTS. Adelaide the one that had the shittier end of the deal.

   Barb was on the taller side at roughly 5’9” while Addy would be lucky to be considered 5’2”. Addy never hitting over 110 pounds and Barb always having gorgeous curves. Addy would be lying if she said she wasn’t jealous. She despised herself for they way she constantly looked malnourished, no matter how much she ate or worked out.

   They shared their gorgeous flaming red hair though. The hair Addy prided herself in. To so many it looked like just a messy mop of red hair. To her though it was the one thing she really enjoyed about herself. Her hair had more curls in it than Barb’s did. And she spent her time making sure the curls fell perfectly framing her face perfectly on the side that wasn’t shaved. Their parents had been pissed when Addy had shaved the side of her head. Their father calling her a dyke among other slurs, while their mother berated her asking why she couldn’t be more like Barb. They hated that their daughter was a punk, always saying she should be more like Barb.

   Barb never said anything bad about it though, she would just tell Addy she looked stunning. Barb was Addy’s personal cheerleader. Addy tried to do the same fro Barb although she was awful with emotion. Barb never seemed to mind.she just told Addy to ignore their parents and be herself. Addy was the punk daughter they never wanted. She always had been brash and bold, especially compared to Barb. Barb was quiet and shy. Did all her school work without being told, was definitely going places in life. They adored Barbara, she was their pride and joy. While Addy was just the extra child they never planned on.

   Now Addy wasn’t bad in school she had perfect grades just like her sister. They both were already looking into colleges and planning their future. Addy just would rather go party than stay home and do school work. Partying is the one thing the girls never did together. Addy didn’t want to force Barb out of her comfort zone, and if one was going to mess up it might as well be the one their parents expected to.

   Addy was known for her bad attitude, love of parties, loud music, dirty mouth and drinking. She could win in most drinking games against guys that were twice her size. She would never admit she was proud of this, but damn was she ever. She was spending her teen years having fun while still being able to keep her grades at the top of her class.

 

 

 

 

This story isn't going to be super happy or anything, I haven't watched Stranger Things in a couple month so it is not going to follow along 100%. basically just how I remember it. The first two chapters will not have Billy in them. The third will start without him and then time jump to when he comes into the story.


	2. 1. Before School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh this is the first real chapter I have ever written. Song for this chapter is I Turned Into a Martian by The Misfits https://youtu.be/8AVP6vuMNjI

  The ground is pure mud and Addy is tripping and stumbling trying to run. She can't see from what but she can hear it, the inhuman blaring over and over again. Too even and eerily similar to be anything organic. It's getting louder so she begins to run faster. Suddenly she sees a hole in front of her. She cant see a way around, and her legs are starting to burn. She looks back trying to see what is chasing her. She sees nothing, but it is getting louder, closer. It is starting to become impoosible to breath. She is trying to force air into her lungs but it now feels as if the mud is inside her instead of just around her. She is at the edge of the hole now, starring into it. Suddenly she feels a push on her shoulder and she begins to fall, she's screaming.

   Adelaide jolts away screaming, panting heavily , the air not wanting to go into her lungs. Frantically looking around, she slowly begins to recognize her surroundings. She is in her bedroom laying in bed. She is finally able to force the air into her lungs. The blankets are tangled around her legs, she starts trying to kick them off. Giving up she realizes her hair is a mess, all in her face from thrashing around in her sleep. Suddenly she hears the thing that was chasing her again. She jumps around turning towards the sound immediately.

   "Gosh Addy its just the alarm clock, are you okay? You were having a nightmare. When I tried to wake you up, you screamed and sat up faster than humanly possible." Says Barb while slightly chuckling. Addy can see the worry in her eyes though. She must have been turning and talking in her sleep all night if Barb is worried. Barb reaches over and turns the alarm off then untangles the blankets from Addy's lap. Grabbing Addy's hand she pulls her shorter sister up into a standing position. 

   "Oh uh... yeah I am fine, thanks Barbie." Addy replies yawning while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Barb laughs at the nickname Addy had given her years ago, and walks out saying its time to get around for school. Addy looks over to the clock she realizes it is 7:15. She sighs and starts walking around her room trying to find an outfit from the mess of unfolded clothes on her floor. Thinking she should have just folded and put them away like Barb had suggested to her yesterday. Finally she finds her favorite Black Flag shirt, some dark blue denim ripped jeans, and black fishnet tights to go under them. She reaches over grabbing her towel and heading to the bathroom she and Barb shared. 

   "Hey Addy do you want a ride to school today or are you riding your longboard?" Barb asks while she finishes her hair in the bathroom mirror, reaching for her toothbrush she begins to brush her teeth. Waiting on a response she watches Addy through the mirror, raising her eyebrow at her. 

   "I think I'll ride my board today, it seems to be really nice out and after a nightmare it's always nice to be in the fresh air." Addy replies while setting her clothes on the counter and beginning to turn the water on to get in the shower. She sits on the toilet lid waiting for Barb to finish brushing her teeth. Watching her sister and noticing the slight frown in her eyes. Oh noAddy thinks She is worried about me again from the nightmares. This wasn't even a bad one. I was just being chased.

   "Are you sure? I enjoy when you ride with me to school. If it is fresh air you want we can drive with the windows down." Barb says while turning to face Addy. Addy smiles at her, she loves how much Barb cares for her. Barb has always made sure that Addy was okay and safe. Addy never having to worry about being alone because she could turn to her sister no matter what. She thinks for a second A ride would be nice I guess and I could always just ride my board home if i want. 

   "Actually yeah, a ride would be nice. Can I choose the music today though?" Addy says with a smile. Barb groans causing Addy to laugh.

   "I guess, just please no Black Flag. They are my least favorite." Barb says. Addy smirks and nods her head yes. She pushes Barb out of the bathroom so she can finally take her shower. She hears Bars say to hurry as its almost time to go from the other side of the door. Addy sighs knowing she wont be able to style her hair perfect today. She hurries in the shower, get out and towels herself dry. she plugs in the hair dryer and begins to dry her hair.

   "Addy! We have to leave in 15 minutes!" Barb shouts from outside the door. Addy kicks the door with her foot to let her know she heard. She hears Barb laugh and walk away. Wondering what today has in store for her she begins to hum while trying to get her hair to stay in place. The red curls want to stick up in any possible direction today. She huffs and decides it will have to do. after all everyone has bad hair days.

   "Addy!!" Barb yells. "It is time to go!" Addy runs to her room throws on her socks and black Doc Martens deciding she will tie them in the car. She grabs her leather jacket and slips it on. Debating if she should put her spiked denim vest over the jacket. Deciding it will bring some form of comfort she slips it on. Her denim vest has been her favorite thing for years now. She has it covered completely in spikes my protective armor she thinks. She laughs at the idea and grabs her longboard and then runs out to her sisters car. jumping into the passenger seat she tosses her board into the back seats. 

   "So what music will we be listening to today Ada?" Addy opens the glove box and starts looking through tapes. Finally she decides on one and sees Barb sigh as she put it in. She smirks and turns the music to a volume Barb wont complain about and starts to obnoxiously sing along with the Misfits. Barb quietly taps the beat on the steering wheel with her thumbs smiling at her sister. They roll the windows down and pull out of the drive and head to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Leave a comment to let me know.


	3. 2. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her next class is just a free period and then she has gym and an art class, she debates skipping it and leaving school for the day. She would just meet Barb at her car later.
> 
> Her head has been in a funk all day after that nightmare. She is convinced it means something and maybe leaving school and getting some fresh air would help her out. She decides skipping is the way to go and walks out the schools front doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets sad, if separation anxiety is triggering to you. Please don’t read this chapter. The bottom has a brief summary of what happens just in case. The song for this chapter is Dead End by the Dead Kennedys.

   The ride to school was almost completely silent besides the music that was playing, Addy wasn’t really in a mood to talk and Barb seemed to notice that.

   Addy was going over her nightmare in her head, wondering if it meant anything. She was being chased but at the same time it felt like she was looking for something or someone. Also what the fuck was with the hole, it looked so familiar, almost like something she had seen before. A place she had stood at before. Although it was empty and filled with vines. The vines though in the hole weren’t from this world, black with a veil of some greenish dust and almost a spider web like netting over them. She was positive she never had stood at the edge of anything like that before. Positive that there wasn’t anything like that on this earth.

   “Hey, are you okay?” Barb says pulling Addy from her thoughts. Addy realizes they are parked in the school’s parking lot. She grabs the door handle going to get out. Looking down she notices she has not tied her boots yet.

   “Yeah I am okay, that dream just felt surprisingly real, and I can’t get it out of my head.” Addy says with a sigh reaching to tie her boots. Her hands just seeming to fumble with the laces. She get her boots laced to the top. But is still fumbling with trying to tie them. She thinks back to when they were kids.

__“Adelaide! It isn’t that hard Barb has already learned how to tie hers! Why can’t you do your own shoes at this point?” Addy’s mother shouts at her. The tiny child in front of her just shrugs her shoulder while looking down. Her mother roughly grabs her foot, tightly tying her shoe. A little too tight._ _

   “Do you want some help with tying your boots?” asks Barb once again pulling Addy from her thoughts. Addy sighs defeated and nods her head. She turns sideways in the seat and puts her feet on the edge of Barb’s seat.

   “You know I don’t mind doing this right? Barb says while reaching for Addy’s boot. Gracefully tying the first and moving onto the second.

   “I know but it is something I should be able to do myself.” Addy mumbles while looking away, secretly checking to make sure no one is looking. Barb taps her boot letting her know it is tied.

   “I can always try showing you again tonight? Mom and Dad won’t be home so you can practice without them finding out.” Suggests Barb. Addy smiles at her and nods her head in agreement. Barb has been secretly tying Addy’s shoes since they were kids. Addy always avoided it as much she could. Her parents were harder on her about it than remotely necessary. So she grew up choosing shoes that didn’t need tied. Or ones she could just knot the laces in place and slip on and off. Her boots though always needed tied.

   Addy stared at her boots, now perfectly tied. Pouting she doesn’t understand why she can never do it herself. She knows how but her fingers just won’t do it. Or if she does manage to get them tied they just fall out an hour later.

   The girls both step out of the car, grabbing their book bags and heading into the school. Barb sees her friend Nancy, hugs Addy bye and runs over to her. Nancy just started to spend time with King Steve. It is all Barb and Nancy have been talking about over the phone. Addy rolls her eyes at them, but smiles at seeing her sister hang out with some friends. Sighing she turns towards her locker put her bag in. Grabbing her book and heading to class.

——————————  
   The bell rings signaling it is lunch time. Lunch is the only period Barb and Addy have together. Addy runs to her locker, throwing all her stuff in it and then jogs down to the lunch room looking for her sister. She gets her food and finally spots Barb sitting with her friend.

   Barb notices Addy and waves her over with a smile. Addy sits down beside her sister and quietly begins to eat.

   “Come on Nance, it’s just a little party. Only would be the five of us.” Says Steve. Addy notices Barb roll her eyes. Mentally counting out the people at the table. Counting herself that makes six. There is Steve and his two followers, Tommy and Carol. Then Barb and her friend Nancy. Leaving her as number six. She hasn’t agreed to go to a party tonight so that means Barb was being considered? She nudges Barb to get her attention.

   “Are you going to a party with them tonight” Addy whispers in her sisters ear. Barb shakes her head no and laughs. Rolling her eyes to silently say she will explain on the ride home.

   “Are you two really identical twins? You look nothing like each other. Besides the hair color.” Says Carol with more malice than necessary. Addy flinches and looks down. She hates when people point out they don’t look alike. She would never voice that out loud though. She straightens and retorts back with a laugh while nudging Barb.

   “Pretty sure we share a birthday and split from the same egg. Just this one decided she needed more blood flow than me while we were in the womb.” Addy says smiling. Barb laughs and starts rambling about how the statistics of them surviving was so low the doctors were shocked to see Addy even alive. Addy tunes it all out. The bell rings signaling the end of the lunch period. Bringing Addy back down to earth. She notices Barb looking at her with a frown.

  “Addy you didn’t eat any of your lunch.” She says. Addy looks down noticing her sister was right. Sighing she hurries up and takes a few bites of an apple and sandwich that was on her plate.

   “Oh sorry about that I guess I’m just tired from not sleeping well.” Addy says back quickly throwing her lunch away and rushing to catch up with Barb and her friend.

   “If you get light headed or anything make sure you go to the nurse. I don’t want you to pass out. But anyways I’ll see you after school? Give you a ride home?” Barb says with a slight smile, Addy nods in agreement. Hugging her sister goodbye she turns to walk to her next class.

   Her next class is just a free period and then she has gym and an art class, she debates skipping it and leaving school for the day. She would just meet Barb at her car later.

   Her head has been in a funk all day after that nightmare. She is convinced it means something and maybe leaving school and getting some fresh air would help her out. She decides skipping is the way to go and walks out the schools front doors.

   The school may call her parents and get her in trouble later but she can’t find it in herself to care currently. She just wants to figure out that dream. She grabs her Walkman out of her pocket turning on whatever tape she last listened too. Suddenly black flag is blasting through her headset, she smiles nodding along with the music.

   She ended up wandering around town for a bit before deciding to head back to Barbara’s car. Getting in and sitting down she decides to take a nap. After all the nightmare she had this morning left her feeling as if she didn’t sleep at all.

_ _She is running again but this time in some foreign land, it looks like Hawkins but everything looks almost like it was mummified. The ground is making a sickening sound as she runs. Blackish green dust is flying up at her feet with every step she takes. She’s shouting for Barb in her dream. Searching frantically for her. She hears a subtle clicking sound, that freezes her immediately._ _ _ _W_ _ _ _hat is that sound, it’s not human. It’s is bat like. And it sound_ _ _ _s_ _ _ _huge, she suddenly feels like prey. She starts running faster screaming louder for Barb. She can’t find her, no matter where she looks. She is_ _ _ _d_ _ _ _arting behind trees and spinning in circles trying to see her sister. Finally she sees it again. The hole in the ground. She runs until she stops at the edge. She finally recognizes it as a pool._ _ _ _Steve’s pool, she had partied their before._ _ _ _T_ _ _ _hat is why it seemed familiar._ _ _ _She looks in it and sees Barb at the bottom trying to get out. Addy is crying now trying to grab her sisters hand but no matter how hard she tries she can’t reach. Barb seems panicked. Why is she panicked she’s never scared she’s supposed to be the strong one. Then she sees a black shadow_ _ _ _begin to lurk_ _ _ _over her. She begins to hyperventilate breathing in the thick dust around her_ _ _ _,_ _ _ _she starts choking. Suddenly the world goes black._ _ _ _ _ _S_ _ _ _he sees Barb fading away while screaming each others names._ _

   Addy wakes up so fast she almost hits her head of the dashboard. She starts to hyperventilate, thinking about the dream. She can never pull herself out of an anxiety attack. Checking her watch she sees it’s time for class to get out and tries calming herself. Barb will be here any minute. __She’s okay.__  She thinks to herself.  
The air still won’t go into her lungs and she starts to panic more. Suddenly there is a knock on her window. It’s Barb.

   “Addy? Addy! Unlock the door and let me in. You’re okay!” Says Barb worried not knowing why her sister is already in the car having an anxiety attack. Addy manages to get her door to unlock. Barb swings the door opened and grabs Addy’s hands, gently shushing her. Addy still is hyperventilating and is now beginning to cry.

   “Ada you have to breath with me, remember the breathing exercises. In one two three, hold one two three, out one two three.” Barb calmly stays reciting the breathing technique. Addy starts to follow along matching her breathing with Barb’s voice. Finally once she is calmed down and breathing evenly. Barb gently pulls her into a hug.

   “What happened? Are you okay?” Barb quietly asks, Addy nods her head yes, sinking further into the hug. Finally after what feels like a few minutes finally Addy speaks.

   “I had the same dream again as this morning but this time you were trapped and I couldn’t get to you.” Addy says while quietly sniffling. She had stopped crying at this point but is still a bit panicked. Barb hugs her sister tighter. Never wantin gto let the smaller girl go.

   “I’m not going anywhere Addy, forever. You and I will always always be by each others side. Even if we go to different colleges. I’ll call you three times a day. Nothing will get rid of me I promise. I will never go missing on you.” Barb says quietly. With so much determine in her voice. Slowly she’s getting up to go to the drivers door. Addy lets go of her and says thank you. Leaning back in the seat and closing her own door.

   Barb puts a tape in and turns on the music. Addy is to far into her head to here what is playing. With the windows down they drive home. Addy starting to doze off again this time into a dreamless sleep knowing her sister is right next to her.

\----------  
   The girls have been home for about an hour now, both have finished their school work and are just laying on Barb’s bed. Talking about random stuff that happened at school. Their parents are out on a date tonight. They left Barb in charge telling her to make sure Addy finished her work. They act like Addy has skipped homework assignments before. She never once has, always turning everything in on time.

   In the middle of them talking about what they plan on doing over winter break which seems to be coming up faster than possible. The phone begins to ring. Addy can here that it is Nancy on the other end. Barb doesn’t look to enthused with the conversation and sighs saying okay and hanging up the phone.

   “Well I guess I am going with Nancy to a party tonight, would you like to come along?” Barb says with a sigh, looking over at her sister. Laughing when Addy scrunches her face up at the though of being around Tommy and carol.

   “No I think I am good on that one.” Replies Addy. Barb laughs and starts getting around. Addy watches her sister smiling. Barb doesn’t realize how gorgeous she is. Addy thinks about the dream she had earlier and almost considered changing her mind and going. She knows she needs to work on her separation anxiety though.

   “Actually I heard of another party that is a few streets away, I think I will go to that one instead.” Addy says smiling. Barb sighs and nods her head at her sister. Knowing that means Addy is going to go drink at the other party and stumble home drunk again.

   “Is that a good idea though Addy? You tend to go overboard with drinking.” Barb says with a sigh looking at her sister. Addy cringes at the look her sister is giving her.

   “How about I make a deal, I won’t have more than two drinks tonight. And if something goes wrong and I do happen to get drunk or something. I’ll call Steve’s house so you can come get me. Just get Nancy to give you his number for me. But I promise I will only have one or two drinks tonight.” Says Addy with a smile. Barb trusts her sisters word and they shake on it in agreement both laughing.

   After both girls are around they get into barbs car, Barb drops Addy off at her party with a goodbye hug, telling her sister to be safe and goes to pick Nancy up.

\----------  
   Addy has been at the party for a couple hours now, and is starting to get board without being drunk. She is noticing how stupid all the other kids look around her sloshed out of their minds. Addy decided to grab one more drink this being her second and starts to sip at it. She never breaks a promise she makes with Barb. She still has no clue at what pure fuel is though but it taste good enough to drink to her. With her mind feeling the slightest bit of haze she starts to sway along with the awful music that is playing.

   Suddenly Addy is panicking. Just a deep panic in her stomach that is screaming something is wrong. She begins to frantically look for a phone after awhile she finds one attached to the kitchen walls grabbing it she dials the number Nancy has given Barb for Steve’s house.

   She lets it ring for awhile but no one answers. She hangs it up. Her panic grows a bit more. She begins to try and think to herself. __It’s okay maybe their party ended sooner. And Barb is at home.__

   “Hey, are you okay?” A random voice says behind her. Putting a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs the hand off and quickly dials home. Again no one answers. Addy is starting to hyperventilate at this point. Her separation anxiety telling her all the things that could have happened to Barb.

   She decides to try Steve’s house one more time. This time someone picks up on the second ring. She immediately starts rambling.

   “I am so sorry to bother you guys but this is Adelaide, Barbara’s sister and I can’t get a hold of her anywhere. I need to know if she is okay or not, is she still there?! I tried calling this number first and no one answered so I tried calling home and again there was no answer.” Addy says in almost one breath. She hears a confused “who is that?” on the other end of the phone.

   “Addy? This is Nancy, Barb went home early. Are you okay? Are you drunk. Do y0u need a ride home?” Nancy asks concern in her voice. Nancy knows about Addy’s anxiety since she is Barb’s best friend. And she can her that Addy is hyperventilating and possibly starting to cry. “Steve was just about to give me a ride home I can probably have him come pick you up if you need?”

   Addy nods her head before realizing she has to speak. She manages to squeak out “Yes, please. Thank you.” Nancy sighs at how small Addy’s usually confident voice sounds.

   “Okay Addy we will be right there, I need you to meet me out front on the porch. Okay?” Nancy says. She hears what sounds like an yes and the phone hang up.

   Addy feels like she is running through a fog. But her legs aren’t moving and she’s just standing still. Someone accidentally bumps into her, and she starts to walk in a haze. Suddenly she feels cold air on her face. She looks around somehow she had managed to walk to the front porch. She’s sitting on the steps waiting for Nancy to get there. Addy has never been close friends with Nancy but Nancy always looks out for Addy because of her friendship with Barb.

  
   Suddenly Addy is jolted back to reality by a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looks up to see Nancy. Nancy helps her stand and guides her slowly to the car. Helping her into the back seat. Nancy rattles off the directions to Steve. Addy does not remember the car drive. But suddenly they are in front of her house. Nancy helps Addy into the house and up to her bedroom before turning to leave

  
   “Barb probably just ran to the store. Everything is okay, you should go to sleep.” Nancy Says. Hugging Addy and then leaving the room. Addy just nods her head in reply.

   Addy lays down on her bed. Starring at the ceiling waiting for Barb to get home. She feels numb. She knows something is wrong, that something happened. She doesn’t really fall asleep that night. Just lays in bed staring at the ceiling while dissociating.

   Addy suddenly hears the front door open and runs down the stairs. Almost tripping down them she is moving so fast.

   “Barb?!” She calls out.

   “Addy, where is Barb? Why are you awake so late?” They ask. Addy looks between her parents and starts to cry. Not knowing what to do she starts to tell them the truth.

   “Barb went with Nancy to Steve’s house. She dropped me off at a different party. She gave me the number to contact her if I needed and I called and there was no answer so I tried here and no answer again. So I called there again and Nancy answered and said Barb went home early. But I couldn’t get in contact with Barb. So Nancy came and gave me a ride home and I thought Barb would be here but she isn’t. Nancy said she is probably at the store but the stores aren’t open this late.” Addy rambles on. “I’m so sor-“ Her parents cut her off.

   “Where is Barb? Why would she go to a party? This is all your fault if you weren’t such a bad influence she would be home and we would know where she is.” Her mother says. Walking up to Addy. Her mother is taller than her just like Barb is. Her mother’s face is redder than Addy’s hair. Addy has never seen her this mad before and it is all directed at her. The red just seems to be growing dark as Addy just stares back. Tears still flowing down Addy's face. Suddenly her mother pulls her hand back and smacks Addy hard. Addy is in complete disbelief.

   Addy suddenly lets out a yelp. “…mom?” Covering her cheek with her hand. She’s staring at her parents in disbelief. She doesn’t understand why they are blaming her while Barb is missing. Addy turns and runs up to her room. Slamming the door shut and locking it.

  
   She throws herself onto her bed and cry’s until she falls sleep, frantically trying to think of where Barb could be. She doesn’t dream that night. She awakes the next day to her alarm going off. As if everything is normal.

   She doesn’t immediately remember the night before. She starts grabbing her stuff to get around. When she walks into the bathroom she looks in the mirror and the night before comes crashing back. She stairs at a bruise on her cheek that’s bright purple. Suddenly it hits Addy and she starts to cry.

Barb is missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Barb is now missing, and Addy is completely lost without her. Their parents blamed Addy for it, saying she was a bad influence on Barb. How is the guilt of not going with Barb to Steve’s going to affect Addy? How is she going to get by without her twin sister and only support system? 
> 
> Barb’s parents in this know she went missing at a party at her friends house. Addy tells them where Barb was thinking they would try and get more information from Steve and the others. But instead they just blame it on her. 
> 
> I can’t decide if I want to have a large time jump from season one into two yet or not. I want to bring Billy into this story next chapter but don’t want to rush the story. What do you guys thinks I should do?


	4. 3. Downhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My name is Addy by the way, and thank you for helping me.” she finally speaks looking over at him and slightly smiling.
> 
> “I’m Billy, and it wasn’t a problem. The party sucked anyways.” he replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter is going to be written as a blur. I want to protray how Addy is feeling. So I apologize if you don’t like it.  
> This chapter may be triggering. Read with caution.

Addy feels like she should be breaking down. That she should be screaming, crying, and pulling her hair out. Her sister, the one person she trusts and cares for is missing. Her support system, her best friend, the only person that seemed to understand her is currently gone.

  
She should be crying but she’s not. She’s numb, no not numb angry. So unbelievably angry almost to the point of being utterly enraged. She grabs at her hair pulling as hard as she can without actually pulling it out. She’s turns around so she is standing with her back to the bathroom mirror not wanting to see her own reflection. Dreading to see her own eyes and hair in fear of seeing barb instead. Part of her wants to turn around to maybe see if barb is just there behind her smiling like every other day. That maybe this whole things was just another nightmare.

She spins on her heals and glares into the mirror. She doesn’t see Barb. She sees herself. She sees bloodshot empty eyes, a bruised cheek, dry chapped lips, messy greasy hair, and smeared makeup from the night before. She starts to laugh at how pathetic she looks. The laughter dies off into quiet sobs, and then the sobs slowly start building into anger once again. The anger grows, she can feel it on her face all the way down to her finger tips. Her hands begin to curl into fists, un-clenching and then clenching. She begins to breath harder and heavier. Before she realizes what she is doing she has punched the mirror. The mirror makes a sickening crack and she watches the glass bloom into a spiderweb of cracks. The pain doesn’t register and their is now a spiderweb crack covering her reflection.

She no longer sees the empty shell of a girl, she just sees pieces of a person. She thinks maybe if they were placed together correctly she could see Barb. Looking down to her hand she sees blood. The blood is calming how it bubbles up out of the skin in small drops, before blooming into a steady flow. The blood drips down her knuckles to her finger tips. The drips don’t fall at first they just form on the tips of her fingers as if frozen in time they seem to stay. Suspended in space the same way she currently feels, she laughs slightly at the irony she sees. Then suddenly the blood is dripping to the floor, the red drips splattering as they fall. She think to herself how odd it is she can’t feel the pain still.

She sighs and begins to run her hand under cold water hoping to stop the blood flow. When it only slows down she sighs again grabbing the first aid kit she apples gauze and wraps her knuckles with a fabric wrap. She can’t help to feel like bleeding somehow helped calm her. That somehow seeing her blood grounded her back to this earth. That when it was no longer suspended in space and hit the ground so did her own feet.

Looking back into the mirror she runs her good hand through her hair. Not wanting to deal with today she doesn’t get around or shower. Wetting a cloth she scrubs the old make up off her face. Brushes her teeth and walks back to her bedroom. Looking at her vanity mirror she cringes at her hair. She always styles it but can’t get herself to do it today. Instead she opts for a backwards black ball cap. Hoping it will make her look somewhat out together. Still upset that she can”t get herself to style her hair.

She doesn’t plan an outfit today either. Just grabs layers and layers of clothes. Wanting to hide away from the world. She feels as if she is going through motions grabbing clothes. Feeling robotic she recites the clothing items in her head as she grabs them. _"Underwear, bra, socks, t shirt, sweater, fishnets, ripped pants, jacket, vest."_ She throws all the clothes onto her bed. Stripping down and slowly changing into them. The pain in her hand finally starting to register. She looks at her hand and sighs.

Now fully dressed she begins putting her stuff back into her book bag for the day. With her bag packed she walks over to grab her boots. As soon as her hand touches them the memory of Barb tying them yesterday begins to play in her head. Before it can finish she pulls her hand back as if they just burned her. Instead opting for some monochrome black converse like velcro shoes.

Shoes on and bag over her shoulder, she heads down the stairs. Expecting her parents to be at work or the police station filing a missing person report. At the bottom of the stairs she sees her mother in the kitchen. She freezes and thinks back to last night, physically flinching as if she was smacked again. Fear clearly evident on her face she tries to sneak past and leave without being noticed.

“Adelaide I heard you come down the stairs. Please come here.” Her mother says a bit too calm. Addy slowly walks to the kitchen and stands next to her mother. She keeps her eyes glued to her shoes. She refuses to speak after her mother smacked her last night.

“I can’t file a missing persons report until it has been 24 hours. They think she may have just skipped town, as her car is also missing.” Says her mother, sounding utterly broken. Addy almost reaches to hug her mom and then shy's away. Her mother has never appreciated Addy trying to hug her. Instead she speaks “Barb wouldn’t do that though, that’s not her.”

“I know, neither is partying.” Her mothers voice is growing angry “you party, you go out at night, you influenced her. You did this. This is your fault. Why aren’t you the one that is missing.” Her mother finishes with a voice so low and angry it is hard to hear. Addy flinches at the last word. She feels numb again. She almost feels as if she was expecting this from her mother. Her mother had always favored barb. Well truth be both her parents did. Her father hid it better though. At least pretending he cared. She is silent for slightly to long because her mother finally turns towards her. And roughly grabs her face forcing Addy to look at her.

“Mom please stop!” Addy gasps. Feeling her mother’s fingers once again bruise her cheek. She reaches up to pull her moms hand away, but that seems to just infuriate her. She smacks Addy hard for a second time in less than twelve hours. Addy flinches away gasping.

“Leave, I don’t want to see you the rest of the day. I’ll be at the police station later tonight and then your father and I will be out looking for barb.” Says her mother as she turns and walks away. Addy waits until she hears her moms bedroom door shut before she starts to move again.

Addy can feel the tears stinging her eyes. She frantically rubs her eyes hoping to stop them. Sighing she walks to the front door, grabbing her board on the way. She opens the front door and slams it shut behind her. Walking down the driveway she set her board down and heads off to school. Trying not to cry so she can pay attention to traffic. Halfway there she gives up letting the tears flow. Realizing she doesn’t care if she accidentally rides into traffic. What’s life if barb isn’t in it with her.  
——————————  
Nancy is waiting at the school doors, waiting for Barb. School is going to begin in less than five minutes and Barb is always always early. Finally she spots some bright red hair. She goes to shout Barb’s name and wave her over. But stops when she realizes it is just Addy.

Slowly Nancy makes her way over to Addy. Noticing how small the girl looks today. All the layers she has on dwarfing her already tiny body. Nancy is only a couple inches taller and weighs possibly the same as her. But today Addy looks like a hurt and frightened toddler. She is flinching at every sound and is looking down as if her eyes are stuck to the floor. Nancy manages to catch up with her. Slowly and gently she reaches out and puts her hand on Addy's shoulder.

Addy jumps and spins around to face Nancy. Nancy can immediately see the fear in her eyes, and how bloodshot and swollen they are. Obviously she had been crying a lot. Her eyes wander to the bruise on Addy’s cheek. She gasps,

“Oh my gosh Addy what happened?!” She says while gently grabbing Addy's chin and moving her face to get a better look. Addy pulls her face away and shoots Nancy a glare.

“Nothing happened Nancy, I’m just clumsy.” Addy says with more malice than she means. She feels guilty when she sees the hurt flash in Nancy's Eyes. She sighs before saying “Sorry Nance, I’m just really worried because barb never came home last night. Not even my parents have heard fro-”

“She never came home?” Nancy interrupts in alarm. Saying it as if it where a question. But Addy didn’t feel it needed an answer. Nancy is starting to realize just how bad Addy looks. Her normally “perfect” hair is a mess just thrown into a hat, more hidden than anything else. Her knuckles are wrapped poorly and seem to still be bleeding. Nancy can also tell she hasn’t showered and didn’t spend enough time removing the make up from the previous night, not that Addy ever wore much makeup.. She has so many layers on she has to be boiling. Not wanting to worry Addy any more Nancy puts a hand on her shoulder and just says “If you need anything I am here for you.” Pulling Addy into a quick hug before walking away to head to class.

Addy sighs and decides school just isn’t worth it today. She turns around and walks out deciding to go to the quarry or old junk yard and just listen to music until she has to go home.  
_**\-----A** **few days later-----**_

Nancy has dragged Addy out of the house, in search of the Byers boy that is also missing. Addy feels they are also looking for Barb, but no one will say her name. No one has mentioned her sister around her. After all the reports were filed and questions had been answered. They all avoid the topic around Addy. Like avoiding throwing rocks in a glass house.

They are with Johnathan currently, the older brother to the missing child. Addy is just dragging her feet walking far behind them. The two in conversation that Addy doesn’t want to follow.

The past few days have been a complete haze. Addy doesn’t remember anything and is just going through the motions, all she knows is barb is still missing. And no one seems to care about her like they do about this boy.

Nancy has made it her own personal mission to take care of Addy. Makes sure she eats, does her school work, and gets home safely. It is driving Addy to the brink of insanity. She wants to be alone or be with Barb. Shed does not want to be someones charity case out of pity. She can tell Nancy feels guilty about whatever happened to her sister. To fix that guilt she is trying to take care of Addy. Nancy can’t make sure she sleeps though or that she isn’t hurting herself.

Ever since punching the mirror Addy has realized that seeing blood helps. Now she hasn’t cause any new injuries but she hasn’t let her knuckles heal. She constantly is picking at the scabs until they start to bleed again. No one seems to realize and for that she is thankful. She’s also thankful her parents have gone back to ignoring her. Both too preoccupied with finding Barb.

Addy has been looking for barb at night by herself. Wandering the town hoping to find any signs of her sister. So far nothing has come up though. The police working the case have warned them to not expect to find her alive this long after a missing person case with no leads.

See her parents found Barb’s car, with no signs that Barb left the town. All her identification and money was still in her car. Nothing missing. All just waiting for barb to return to it. They finally were able to file an official report stating Barb was missing. Now it was being taken serious. Her parents checked into what Addy had told them about the party. But no leads showed up. And they still just blamed her instead.

Addy loudly sighs, grabbing Nancy’s attention. “I’m gonna go wait in the car, I’m tired and don’t feel great.”

Nancy worriedly nods okay. Telling her to be safe. When Addy gets to the car she lays down across the back seats and falls asleep. She doesn’t wake up until later when Nancy is shaking her shoulders telling her they are at her house.

Nancy looks frightened and so does Jonathan. Addy starts to worry and then just decides it’s not worth it to know. They would say something if it was about Barb. She hugs Nancy and mumbles a good bye. Getting out of the car and heading inside. She walks to her room shutting and locking the door and lays on her bed and starts to cry. Crying until she falls back asleep. She dreams of Barb. Telling Barb how much she misses her. Then the dream stops and the rest of th enight she dreams of nothing.  
\----- ** _A couple weeks later_** \-----

The official report came out for Barb’s death. Addy doesn’t believe it. Barb can’t be dead. Her sister can’t be dead. She runs to her room after her parents tell her the report. She does not want to know what her death was caused by. She does not care all she cares is that Barb is gone and not coming back. Slamming her door and locking it. She slides down the door and begins sobbing.

She sobs until she can’t breath. The panic is setting in and she doesn’t know how to stop it herself. She wishes barb were here. She wants to hear her voice. She thinks back to the last anxiety attack she had when barb was around. She hears barbs voice _“in one two three, hold one two three, out one two three”_ she begins to follow the voice in her head. Being able to breath again she starts to cry

No longer violently sobbing, it is just tears running down her face silently. She goes to her bedside table. Opening the drawer she grabs out her pocket knife. She’s now thinking back to the way the blood helped when she punched the mirror. Knowing she is about to make a terribly decision she sighs.

Violently she wipes away the tears. She sits on her bed and begins to pull her pants down thinking _“Am I really going to hurt myself ?is this what I want? Is this going to help?”_  
It’s not what she wants but she knows it will help. With her pants down she stairs at her thigh. She opens her pocket knife and pulls it across three times. Watches as the blood pools. She lays back on her bed and lets the wounds bleed. She doesn’t care if the blood stains. She just cares about the calm she is feeling. As if all the anxiety, sadness and anger is leaving her body. Closing her eyes, she lets out a silent emotionless sob, the tears are flowing again.

 _"Why couldn’t it be me instead of her."_  she thinks as she starts to drift off and fall asleep.  
\------

The funeral happens, it’s not as horrible as she thought it would be, but she’s so so numb already anyways. Would she be a mess if she wasn’t so numb? She has no idea what day it is. Besides that it’s the funeral. Then suddenly the funeral is over. The day ends and then the week ends. Everyone is moving on. She is going back to school now. Her grades have slipped, and the holidays pass. The world is still moving even without Barb in it.

The school year ends, she passes the grade barely and now it is beginning to feel like summer. Parties are starting up once again. Parents going away for vacation leaving their dumb ass teens alone in empty houses.

Addy is still numb but has taken to nightly parties to keep the thoughts away. She drinks and dances with the other kids her age smiling and laughing. To everyone around her she seems happy again, like she is being a normal kid once more. Maybe she is starting to feel something again. Besides sadness and the never ending numb. Maybe it is anger or maybe it is just loneliness. She fills the feeling with parties. The void being filled by alcohol and dancing bodies way to close to her own.

Everyone thinks she is getting better that she has mourned and moved on just like barb would have wanted. She as mourned and has accepted her sister won’t be coming home but she isn’t okay. She has not gotten better.

Addy is slowly withering away to nothing. When home alone her walls crash down. The anxiety attacks are frequent, shes abusing pain killers she buys from random people at parties and self-destructing.

Tonight she was out of painkillers and her parents are home. She decided sneaking out to party was the safer option over being home near her mother. Ever since Barb went missing her mother has been taking her anger out on Addy. Addy never knew how violent the women could be. Never expected it from her. 

As Addy is dancing she can feel all the bruises forming from the latest lesson her mother thought necessary. This morning Addy had left a dirty plate in the sink instead of washing and putting it away. Something she knows is supposed to happen immediately after using a plate. 

Addy shakes the thought from her head and leaves the dance floor to go grab anything else alcoholic. Walking to the kitchen she notices a guy staring at her. She makes eye contact for a second. Not wanting the attention she quickly looks away. All she notices about the guy was his blonde mullet and blue eyes.. She finally is in the kitchen and is looking round. A boy she recognizes from gym class shoves another drink in her hand. She makes her way back to where everyone is dancing. This time she opts to sit on the couch and just watch. She can still feel eyes on her from that guy. She wonders who he is she doesn’t remember him from school. She is sitting down drinking from her cup, deep in thought. Thinking about the coming school year. Her senior year.

Suddenly pulled from thought Addy starts to feel sick. Standing quickly with the intent of running to the bathroom. But immediately her head is spinning. She no longer feels sick but now feels way drunker than she should be. She sees a hand reach out for her arm, immediately she shy's away. Not liking physical contact. The hand roughly grabs her arm. She can feel someones breath by her neck as if they are talking to her. Whispering something to her.

“Don't you know not to take drinks from random guys?’ she finally is able to hear the person whisper. The amount of malice in his voice immediate instills panic. She does not understand what he means though. She tries to pull her arm away. He just grabs it harder. Addy gasps in pain. Not wanting to be hurt again she starts to follow him. She keeps her head down trying to hide her tears. 

Looking back the guy sees her tears and laughs at Addy making her walk faster. Addy looks up and realizes it is the same guy that ave her the drink in the kitchen. Hes leading her upstairs. Addy’s mind is getting cloudier and she has a hard time with the steps. He just keeps pulling her along. Hes basically dragging her now. Addy hears a door open and close. She finally realizes that she isn't just drunk, he had drugged her.

Felling her back hit a soft surface Addy starts to let the clouding in her head take over. Truthfully she doesn't really care what happens to her at this point. She starts to think of everything that could have happened to Barb before she died. She thinks about how Barb would have been smart enough to not get drugged. How Barb would have kept a eye on Addy to make sure this didn’t happen. Addy thinks she deserves this. 

Addy is pulled out of her thoughts when she feels her pants begin pulled at. This somehow helps clear her head enough so she starts to fight back. She begins to kick and scream for help.”Help! Somebody, anyone please!” 

Addy is now hyperventilating. Her adrenaline kicking in and stopping the affect of the drugs for a few seconds. Looking up to the a guy over her trying to see if she can remember his name. His pants are already down and he is trying to pull hers down. Suddenly she freezes from fear. The realization of what is going to happen setting in. She cant get her body to move. She cant figure out how to get her arms to push him off or to make her legs kick him in the dick so he will stop. Finally she at least finds her voice.

“Get the fuck off me!” she screams. No sooner than the words leaving her mouth does she feel a fist connecting with her face. She completely stills. Tears pour down her face and she begins to hyperventilate. Suddenly the world is starting to fade away. Addy cant get herself to stay awake any longer. She feels him unbutton her pants as everything goes black.

\-----

Billy had just moved to this tiny ass town, the only good thing about it being how many parties happened. Parents leaving their spoiled brats home with an entire house free and access to the liquor cabinets.

Billy doesn’t know who’s party he is currently at. He just know this one is the largest party he has been too since moving. They are celebrating the middle of summer. He’s leaning against the wall by the corner of the room. Drinking a beer he found in the fridge earlier.

Looking out over the room he spots a girl with flaming red hair. He has seen her at almost every party he has one to this summer so far. She stands out so much because of the clothes she is wearing. Most every one at this party is preppy. Wearing nice sweaters and khaki pants. This girl though is wearing a black leather jacket with an extremely spiked vest over top. So spiked he imagines touching her would be like a porcupine. Her jeans are ripped at the knees and safety pinned together with some black fishnets under them. _"Hawkins has a punk, maybe this town isn't that boring after all."_ Billy thinks while smirking to himself.

He goes to walk up to her possibly be cliche and ask her to dance. He stops when he notices her frown looking at her cup. He stands back and watches as she stumbles into the kitchen. She turns and her eyes catch his. She almost immediately looks down, her hair falling into her face as she walks faster. She is now in the kitchen looking around, Billy assumes fro another drink. Though he does not think she really needs one.

He sees some douche bag kid shove a cup into her hand with a smirk. The girl looks up shrugs and walks away. Billy immediately feels his stomach turn not trusting what is in the cup. He may be an asshole but he doesn't want to see this girl come to any harm. Deciding to keep an eye on her he leans back against the wall continuing to watch her. Feeling creepy he wonders if he should just go talk to her. He decides not to as she doesn’t look like she wants any company. She sits on the couch and begins to drink whatever is in the cup. Seemingly lost in her own head she sits and stares at her own boots. Suddenly she stands up like she is going to be sick. Her face turning completely green. Once standing though she grabs her head dropping the cup in her hand. She starts swaying a bit.

Billy goes to head over towards her deciding she needs help. What help he can provide he isn't sure of. He gets trapped behind two girls that are obnoxiously talking. Their volume so much higher than actually needed. He stairs at them for a second before remembering what he was doing. Roughly he pushes past them.

Looking up he notices the girl is gone. He starts to frantically look around for her, now walking faster towards the couch. The bad feeling in his stomach growing. Suddenly he catches sight of the fire red hair going into a hallway up stairs. He cant see the guy pulling her arm. He turns towards the stairs and heads into the hallway. It is completely empty. He stops and is wondering where she could have gone.

“Get thhe uck offa me” he finally hears. The voice is slurred and small. Assuming it is her, he immediately rushes to were it came from down the hall. Slamming the door open he sees the girl being held to a bed by the guy from the kitchen. The douche bag looks up and makes eye contact with Billy. He can tell the kid is completely wasted, black out drunk. The kid smirks as he unbuttons the girls pants. 

Billy stalks towards him, the smirk falling off the kids face. Billy is beyond angry. He is only seeing red. Briefly wondering how disgusting someone has to be to attempt to rape someone. Once he gets to the bed he reaches out grabbing the kid by the neck not even giving him time to make a bullshit excuse. He throws the kid to the ground. Billy doesn't feel or realize it but instead watches as he beats the kids face. Not caring how this beating ends just wanting to teach him a lesson.

Finally his anger is leaving him. He hasn’t hurt the kid in front of him too awful bad. Not wanting to have to deal with any legal issues he decides to stop. He can see that the kid now has two black eyes, a broken nose, and a split lip. Billy stands back up kicking the kids nuts before stepping over him. He hears the boy groaning in pain. Smirking to himself he looks over at the bed. 

The smirk immediately dies, the girl is passed out on the bed. He can see tear stains on her face. Her lip and nose are bleeding. He looks down at the guy by his feet and kicks him in the ribs. He is beginning to see red again. He manages to shake himself out of it. Deciding the kid isn't worth it he walks over to her. 

Gently he picks her up off the bed. Frowning at how small she is, she cant be any bigger than his kid sister Max. She doesn't even move or make a sound. He carries her bridal style out the bedroom and down the stairs out to his car. No one even stops him or glances over to them he sighs thinking about how shitty this town is. No one seems to care about anything or anyone but themselves. He gently lays the girl down in his back seat.

Not knowing where she lives or who she is he decides to just drive around and hope she wakes soon. He doesn't want to have to sneak her into his room. He turns on some music and lets it quietly play through his car. He begins humming along as he pulls away from the party.

Billy has been driving for about 15 minutes before he hears a sound from behind him. He is on a back road so he gently pulls over and turns around in his seat. The girl is starting to move around in her sleep. Suddenly she starts screaming and thrashing. He quickly reaches into the back seat trying to comfort her. As soon as his hands touches her she walks up and weakly lashes out. He pulls his hand away holding up his arms to show he isn't going to hurt her. She stares at him eyes wide and slowly sits up. He can see her remember everything that took place before she passed out.

“no no no no no” she starts saying, her hand going to her nose feeling the dried blood. He notices the cuts and scabs covering her knuckles. _“She is a fighter.”_ he thinks, _“Who the fuck fights someone this small.”_

He is pulled from his thoughts as she begins to hyperventilate. Seeing that she is going into an anxiety attack Billy gets out of the car and open the back door. He carefully reaches for her arm and slowly pulls her out of the car. He guides her so she is sitting down leaning against his Camaro.

He starts to rub her back while shushing her. Trying to slow his breathing down so she can match hers to it.

“I uhh… stopped him before he did anything to you. I mean it looks like he hit your face but I stopped him from…” he stops talking before saying rape. He doesn't know if she would appreciate hearing it right now. She finally starts to stop hyperventilating and silently cry instead.

  
Billy isn’t good with emotion so he just sits there waiting for her to calm down. His hand still on her back. She just seems to realize this and moves away from him. He isn't entirely sure on how to comfort her at this moment. Eventually the crying stops and she is just staring at her boots. He notices they aren't tie.

“You might want to tie those so you don’t trip.” He says and the cringes at how weird that is.

She tenses slightly and leans forward and just tucks her laces into her boots. “Why tie them when I will just be taking them off once I go home?” she says more than asks.

“Where is your home? I can drive you there if you would like?” Billy asks. She sighs and rattles of directions. He stands up reaching his hand out to help her. She stares at his hand for a second before getting up without taking his hand. He tries to not be offended after everything she went through tonight. They both get into the car and start heading towards her house. Once there she doesn't get out, instead just stares quietly at the house in front of her.

“My name is Addy by the way, and thank you for helping me.” she finally speaks looking over at him and slightly smiling.

“I’m Billy, and it wasn’t a problem. The party sucked anyways.” he replies. She laughs slightly at that. And nods in agreement. “If you ever need help again feel free to look for me. I’m pretty sure I have seen you at almost all the parties I have been to this summer.” he says, trying not to sound creepy.

“What can I say I like to party, keeps the mind busy. I’ll keep an eye out for you next time I’m at one. Thanks again.” she waves goodbye before getting out of the car and walking inside. Once billy is sure she is inside. He pulls away and heads home. His mind constantly wandering back to that fiery red hair.

\-----

When Addy walks in her mother scowls while her dad looks slightly concerned. “Where have you been?” they both ask.  
“I was at a party.” she says turning to face them. Her mother rows angry and her father gasps when they see her face. Her dad stands and goes to walk towards her. Looking like he wants to actually help Addy. But her mother is quicker than him.

“Got in a fight I see, thought you learned your lesson last time this happened.” her mother says walking closer to Addy. Out of impulse Addy backs away. Quickly regretting her actions as her mothers face grew redder. Her mother reaches forward and smacks Addy. Her nose quickly starting to bleed again. Addy slowly covers her nose. Her father pulls her mother back by the arm. Reaching out to Addy. But she turns from him hiding her face from their view.

“Go clean yourself up. I don’t want to see you anymore today. I'm tired of seeing what a disappointment you are.” her mother spits at her. Addy sighs and turns to walk upstairs. Her father quietly says good night to her. Addy doesn't reply and just goes to her room. If her father cared he would stop her mother before the abuse happens not after.

Once inside her room she slams and locks the door. Addy doesn’t care about the blood. She doesnt feel the need to clean it. more so she doesnt feel she deserves it to be cleaned off. She throws off her jackets and top couple layers until she is just in her t-shirt and jeans.

She eventually lays down in bed. Still letting her nose bleed. She thinks for a moment before grabbing her pocket knife from her bedside table. Her head is still swimming in alcohol and whatever she was drugged with. She rolls it over in her hand before beginning to inflict a pain she herself can control. Not caring if she bleeds on her bed. She makes three large wounds on her upper arm. The relief comes quickly. All emotions she was feeling just replaced by a warm buzz. Not bothering to stop the bleeding she rolls to her side and falls asleep.

Hoping tomorrow will be better, she dreams of the blonde boy that saved her from her attacker tonight. She wishes he was here now to save her from herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Billy was briefly introduced in this chapter. He is a BIG BIG part of next chapter. So stay tuned by bookmarking! ;)
> 
> This chapter is over 6,000 words long!
> 
> Also Incase anyone is wondering. The shoe thing thing is a personal thing xD I am 21 and can not tie my shoes for the life of me. I literally have Velcro shoes or my boyfriend helps me tie my boots. I have tried learning to tie so so so so many times through out life and never have been able to do it properly. They always fall out almost immediately after. Or is just a mess of a knot and takes hours to undo.


	5. Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note

Currently I’m stuck for ideas, I’m trying to throw some stuff together but I kinda want to rewrite some of this. Some stuff is going on currently in life hoping to have a new chapter out in a few days or so, thanks for the kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> Please Comment, Bookmark, and leave a Kudos. New chapters out as I can think them up.


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